Twisted Pairings
by The Enchanted Picture Book
Summary: Well, not much can be said. These are really twisted pairings by request. Ch1: AlxBucket. Read, Review, Request! C'mon...it'll be fun! [even pick what genre if you want to]


**Twisted Pairings**

Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist does not belong to me.

**1. AlxBucket**

One day (Tuesday, if you really want to know) when Ed was walking through a meadow, he realised that Al was not with him. Actually, Al had told him several times that he was going to stay at Winry's house to help her to build a flying machine but Ed had been too busy thinking about which brand of shampoo was better value for money to pay attention. "AL?" he yelled into a posy.

There was no reply.

However, the plot sickens – Al, having been left on his own as Winry and Pinako went to hunt for elves in the forest, had eventually grown scarily 'fond' of a bucket. When Ed got back, Al had drawn a smiley face on it, and tried to introduce it to his brother as 'Miss Bucket'. "Now shake hands," he said to Ed.

"Al, its just a bucket," Ed explained.

At this point, Al started going psycho. "You're just jealous! JEALOUS!" he screamed like a sissy boy in a suit of armour. He started throwing things at Edward. "Take that, and that, and that!"

"Al, you just threw your precious bucket at me!"

Al froze. He then defrosted himself enough to yell. "AHH! MISS BUCKET!" He picked up the bucket and hugged it. "Let's move to Mexico for our honeymoon where no one will ever find us!"

"Al, I _can_ hear you, you know…"

"Stop being so jealous!" Al told Ed. He then started writing an autobiography called 'Me; a tale of two cities…and Miss Bucket and my jealous brother', but upon recalling that Mexico did not exist, he realised that the plot he had thought of would not work at all. He abandoned this venture, and decided that Ed, Miss Bucket and himself would need to go to therapy to learn how to all get along.

Then the window broke. To be more precise, Envy opened the window. "Did someone say Envy?" he asked, excitedly. He continued climbing in through the window – it was not a difficult task on its own, but with a skirt on, it was hell. He wasn't actually having much luck. "Uh, how 'bout you guys turn around for a second?"

They agreed, blissfully unaware that Envy now had the perfect opportunity to sneak up behind them and steal the Philosopher's Stone they had created by sacrificing all of the students at Ed's old high school (who used to make fun of his height) and which had been carelessly left on the table, which they were no longer facing. "By the way," said Al, "I didn't say envy – I said jealous."

"WHAAAAATTT?" Envy screamed. "My ears – they burn!" Envy didn't like that word. He couldn't understand why anyone would use such a stupid word when there was a much better one that could be used in its place. To be really specific, they don't actually mean the exact same thing, but Envy had auctioned his dictionary on the Internet to buy the cosplay Envy headband to compare it to his own, so he was unaware of the slight difference between the words. He fell to the ground, covering his ears and sobbing, hence forgetting about the stone.

Now to return to Al and Miss Bucket. "We need some alone time," Al told Ed, carrying the bucket into the next room and locking the door.

"Ennnvvvvyyyy!" said Ed, "You need to help me get Al away from that bucket." Ed started pacing; the whole thing was getting out of control. If they couldn't convince Al to leave the bucket before the next full moon, he would die. No wait – that was The Swan Princess…well, the whole bucket thing was just really creepy so they still had to separate them as quickly as possible.

Envy laughed. "Why should I help you?" he asked. Why didn't anyone ever remember that they were supposed to be enemies?

"Pretty please?" said Ed.

"Well, okay."

It had taken many hours, but finally they had concocted a plan. Gathering as many light bulbs and staple-removers as they could carry, they tiptoed up to the door. They looked at each other and nodded.

"On the count of three," said Envy. "One…two...tree!" he said, starting to crack up.

Ed, having jumped when Envy said 'tree', didn't think it was so funny, and glared at the sin. "I'll do it this time – one…two…threw!" he shouted, now in hysterics himself. This went on several times, until they were both just rolling around the floor (separately, you sick people) laughing. Then Al opened the door from the inside to see what was going on and in the process, squashed them flat against the wall since they were too close to the door.

When Ed finally woke up, he realised that it had all been a dream. He also realised that he was late for school, and he had an essay due…

…

"Mr. Elric!" the teacher screamed. "Not only is the most illogical, perverted crap that I have ever read even compared to the kindergarteners' stories, but you NEVER NEVER NEVER end a story with 'it had all been a dream!' Now go to detention – and you have to mop the halls, too!"

Ed cursed on the way to the janitor's closet where he had to get the mop. He opened the door and… "AL! IS THAT A BUCKET?"

* * *

A/N: Congratulations on getting through the first chapter of Twisted Pairings alive! To those of you who do not know, this is a request fic, so make sure you review and leave your suggestion of a twisted pairing for the next chapter! This one turned into a humour fic, but they won't all…well, I suppose it depends on just how twisted the suggestions are. This one was co-written with an anonymous friend of mine, but I'll probably take it from here. Please review, even if you don't want to make a suggestion so the story can stay alive! Now I'm off to cook soup – bye! 


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